Time For an Intervention Adam

Adam,

I think its about time that we, your coworkers step in. Considering that today, your AIM status is a farewell message to the vending machine, I think it's safe to say you have a slight problem with food. I'm not calling you fat because let's face it, you're not. But Adam, dearest, you are freakishly obsessed with food. You are Motivators own foodie. You sniff out breakroom treats before the email is even sent out and often times, you pop in on departmental celebrations in a Where's Waldo kind of way. I must say, I quite loved the time we said goodbye to a co-worker and you IMed me asking about the cake. You weren't asking me where I got it, you were just making sure it did in fact exist. Don't think that the rest of us don't know how much you favor Rhonda because every time she comes in here she brings food. And as I type this, I'm remembering this morning's biggest problem: you couldn't find the whipped butter for the bagels.

As your co-worker, I feel that it is imperative for me to step in. It's not that you need to stop obsessing with food, but you have to start obsessing over better food. I think I wouldn't have so much of a problem with it if you liked good food, but the sheer fact that you actually ate at the Pop Tarts restaurant in NYC and liked it…no. Just no. And let's not forget that two days ago you tried to bribe me to vote for Chef Boyardee and Ramen in the vending machine. Granted, it's not like we can get Gordon Ramsay quality food in there, but Ramen? Adam…please.

So here are a few promotional products that might help you on your quest to better food.

Leeds Twist All Opener Set
Please use the corkscrew to open a fine wine. The can opener must not be used for Chef Boyardee brand products, and likewise the jar opener can open something classy…like olives. Not Tostitos salsa or peanut butter.

Leeds Savory Cheese Set
This set is not meant for Polly-O my friend. It's not meant for Baby Bell. Please Adam, cut some gouda with this set and leave the days of individually wrapped cheeses behind you.

Classic Fondue Set
How about you toast a French baguette and melt some Gruyere? You can even melt some rich dark chocolate and couple it with some fresh fruit. There are other dips besides the French onion.  And don't you dare tell me Ranch. I will smack you, and it will be for your own good.

Vierge Bamboo Kitchen Utensil Set
You see the size of that spoon, Adam? That will not fit in a Cup O' Noodles. Use it to toss a salad with fresh escarole, baby spinach and some sun dried tomatoes. It's a perfectly acceptable alternative to a Pop Tart Fluffernutter.

Laguiole 2 Piece Carving Set
There's something to be set about carving a roast turkey. In fact that "something" is that a fresh carved Turkey tastes far better when it comes from an over and not an Oscar Meyer package.

I'm hoping that you heed my advice because there are far better things in the world than Cheetos and Beefaroni.

P.S.: Overhearing the plan of you faking your engagement just so Maria will make you "dirt" only makes me think you need this now more than ever.